So as you can probably tell from my social network feed and Chris’s too, our children are our lives. We wouldn’t have any other way! Honestly, what parent would? I know your little ones are the light of your life! As much as we love our children Chris and I know that one day we will be staring at each other with an empty home. For this reason, it is very important that we keep each other first and make time to nurture our relationship.
It feels like no sooner than we could get home from the reception people were telling us “make sure you date” or “date nights are crucial to the success of your marriage”. For a while that was fine and we dated often, but we were childfree. No one told us how to continue to date each other once our family grew and you have no one to care for your children while you are on these dates. Don’t get me wrong it is super easy to find childcare these days, but I could never get past the interview stage with anyone because at the end of the day these are very qualified STRANGERS that will be caring for the most precious part of my life. Not to mention the costs involved. But, I digress. This post is not about my fears of hiring a “babysitter”. This post is about how to date your spouse when you don’t have childcare. So let’s get into that!
The List…
1. Go for a Drive
If you’re like us there are times when we get to Costco just a little too late and we stay in there just a little too long. When this happens and your children fall asleep on the way home, don’t go home keep driving, stop for coffee, turn on some smooth tunes, take the very long scenic route, and just talk.
2. Netflix & Chill
I really don’t like this term but if I have to be honest we do this all the time. We look for really great movies or a show we can binge watch and we curl up with or without a snack, talk, make predictions about what we are watching, and go where the night leads us.
3. Fancy Dinner
I love cooking and trying new recipes so this is one of my favorites! You can also order food from your favorite restaurant and have a late dinner. We love this because Chris and I really enjoy spicy food and although our children do as well, some things are just too spicy for them. Eat your meal after putting the children to bed.
During dinner grab the “Our Moments” game for conversation starters to make it even more interesting. After dinner take, it a step further and get this “Talk, Flirt, Dare” game from Amazon to add some extra spice to your meal.
4. Indoor/Outdoor Picnic
This is also one of my favorites. Lay out a blanket after the children go to sleep either in the living room, bedroom (if you have space), or on your deck/porch and enjoy a charcuterie plate, cheese, and fruit platter or one of your favorite meals, turn on some soft music and talk. If you’re outside, do not forget to take in the stars!
5. Practice Date
If your schedules allow it, the next time you have to take your children to basketball practice or dance lessons go together and take advantage of the free hour of babysitting! We do this as much as we can we have even snuck in a nap while they were practicing. Don’t judge us we love sleeping together!
Ok so at this point I’m going to stop saying “this is one of my favorites” because we have nine more of these to go and obviously I wouldn’t be suggesting them if I wasn’t fond of them.
6. Bible Study or Bible Plan
For me, there is nothing in this world like spending time in the word with my man. Hearing him talk about his take on scriptures just does something to me. I’m going to just leave it at that. Lately, we’ve been completing plans on the Bible app together and it’s been so refreshing! The thing I love most about this is that we can discuss the devotion and scriptures through the app and it provokes discussion throughout the day and week.
7. Coffee in the Morning
So this one is super easy especially if you’re a morning person. Wake up just a little earlier than the children, brew some coffee and/or tea, watch the sunrise, and enjoy a good conversation. Check your weather app the night before so you can make sure you’re on time for the sunrise.
8. Breakfast In the Morning
Share breakfast in the morning before the little ones wake up. If your children are late sleepers, once you finish your coffee you can carry the conversation into the kitchen and have breakfast for two. Pick something that the two of you can prepare together! Be sure to prepare enough for the children because if your house is anything like mine once the sweet smell of breakfast fills the air the children will be joining shortly. If you want the children to sleep a little longer consider making breakfast the night before so all you have to do is heat it up after you greet the sun.
9. A couple of Chefs
If you share a favorite meal or you both are itching to try something new, consider cooking a meal together. As you can probably tell from my previous suggestions I like to listen to music. Most of the time I’m in there alone preparing dinner for everyone and this “date” ends up being a spontaneous one. Chris will join me pulling me away from my tasks, we’ll dance, and then he will ask what he can do to help. Acts of service, love language anyone?
It would be equally as fun to plan this time out and cook a late dinner together after you put the children to bed. Be sure to taste things along the way and take turns serving each other bits of what you’re cooking up. Take that how you want to but please don’t burn anything!
10. Work it Out
Find an exercise video on YouTube, wake up early, and workout together. If the evening works better than work out in the evenings. Working out gives us both energy so I find that it’s best for us to do this in the morning.
11. Dance
I love to dance! I’ve been dancing since I was a little girl. Fun fact, Chris and I met in a night club over 16 years ago. I danced the entire night except during the conversation with him. Although we don’t go to clubs or lounges anymore we both still love good music and dancing. You know the drill. Turn on some of your favorite tunes (we like to play music that reminds us of our younger years), light some candles and get your groove back!
12. Turn the Lights Off
After you’re done dancing or if you’re just looking for a calm night turn the lights off or keep them off if you’re also doing the dance date, and just talk. Pull out old photos or talk about the things that made you fall in love. You can also take this time to tell your spouse the reasons why you love them still. If words of affirmation are your love language you’ll love this. I love to hear Chris tell me the story about when he knew I was the one. Maybe he’ll write a guest post on that one day!
13. Battle Rap
Or rhyme, whatever you want to call this. Chris and I love to laugh and we used to be obsessed with Wild’N Out. They play a game on there called “Wild Style” and they basically rap against each other. A rap battle can break out in our home at any time and we always end up cracking up and the children are always staring at us like we’ve lost our minds. If you’re intentional about the upcoming rap battle you can pick topics to rap about, put them in a bowl, and go for it. Being a parent is a great topic to rap about! You may want to cut on the baby monitor or make sure the volume is up on the cameras in your home because you’ll need to close your door for this. There will be a ton of laughter, guaranteed.
14. Texting
Like most couples, Chris and I text each other throughout the day. We like to take this a step further especially if I am working or we’re busy doing the things that parents do. Sometimes if we are in separate rooms or even in the same room we will text each other under the alias of our middle names to “check in” on each other and see how life is going. We do this throughout the day and while the children are awake or sleep. It allows us to flirt or discuss things that maybe we want to say but wouldn’t want our children to hear.
Caution if you have a reader in your home that likes to text their grandparents and you do not have a texting app installed on any of their devices or the use of their devices are restricted to certain times, like in our home, you’ll want to make sure to delete your text messages.
Finally, we’ve reached Number 15!
15. Go to Bed Early
This is simple. Call it an “early night”. Go to bed right after the children and once you’re sure the children are sleep…
Be Merry (Married) and enjoy one another!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post I most certainly have enjoyed writing it for you!
Comment below. Let me know what you do on your date nights with or without children.
-Ashley
Psst…
I mention the costs earlier in the post and before I go let’s just calculate how much you can save by staying in. Seems like everyone is following Dave Ramsey nowadays and trying hard to live debt free. I know we are! So let’s see how much we’ll have to put towards that debt!
The popular site care.com says that the average babysitting rate is $16.20 per hour. For a nice meal, you’ll spend somewhere between $80.00 – $120.00 so let’s go with $100.00 for your meal, drinks, dessert, and tip. You decide to go to a movie and because you’re so full, you skip the snacks and pay for admission $27.00. Let’s see our total for an evening out.
Child Care: $64.80 (about 4 hours)
Meal: $100.00
Movie: $27.00
Total: $191.80
For one date! I don’t know about you but I’ll pass!
