Ok, brace yourselves…
It’ s almost Mother’s Day! Doesn’t it seem like it was just Christmas how did we get here?!?
With this day that’s full of care and love approaching, I’d like to talk about how to bond with your children.
My Mom as amazing as she is was not a “hugger” or “cuddler” if you will. Yet, we grew up with the most incredible moments and I have amazing memories of our childhood. A lot of times people can’t see pass bonding as sitting still and putting in the intentional time and physical connection with another human (or pet for you Fur Baby Mama’s out there). I think as Mothers we are a little hard on ourselves when it comes to cultivating experiences and childhood that our children will undoubtedly talk to their children and future spouses about and that won’t leave them scarred.
The truth is that we are always creating these moments. Let me talk about me here for a moment and hopefully, you can identify. In addition to being a wife and mother, I am a blogger, influencer, we have two YouTube channels, we homeschool, and I am a Real Estate agent! I am also very involved at our church as are my children. Not to mention I’m a daughter, sister, cousin, and friend. My roles leave me drained and more often than not I feel like I don’t have anything left to give. I find myself thinking how can I create these amazing moments or do I really have the time to step away from the laundry to play with my daughter and her dollhouse or roll around the floor with my son?
When my children were younger bonding seemed seamless. I was nursing and that created automatic bonding time. I loved reading, they love to be read to so that was easy. I also loved singing to them. So while putting them down for a nap or at bedtime I would sing a song to them or two or three and they would look at me lovingly cooing and as they got older singing along until they drifted off into a sweet slumber.
If you’re having trouble recognizing your unintentional bonding moments, I have created a list of five things you can do with your daughter and five things to do with your son for intentional bonding time.
1. Date your children.
Chris and I date both of our children. Well, he dates Arrow and I date Beau. When I’m with Arrow alone it’s “Girl Time” and there’s almost always a full-on Disney princess themed dance party. When Chris is with Beau alone they like to chant “We da Boys!” (We’re the boys) over and over before heading off to their activity or outing. Arrow likes shopping, cooking, and anything dealing with pampering so her activities are usually centered around that. Beau likes to go to the barber shop (because there’s always pizza after that), play bad guy versus superhero, and of course any type of manly challenge.
2. Talk to them.
Beau loves dishing out loads of “Did you know” facts so I like to spend time listening to him he’s so passionate about sharing his knowledge. What’s more, is that this isn’t just a chore to me because he explains his findings in such a way that you want to know more when he’s done. Arrow likes to talk as well but she’d much rather you belt out three or four Disney princess songs with her.
3. Movie Night
We do this every Friday and normally enjoy a homemade pizza or we occasionally we order something. We take turns picking a movie and eat dinner in the living room. Since our children aren’t really into television Movie Night usually turns into a wrestling match and Arrow will turn on some music and dance. It’s ok though because it’s totally about the time being spent and who am I to complain about less screen time.
4. Read to them.
We have a rule in our house. That rule is if a child brings you a book to read you have to stop what you’re doing and read it to them. We adopted this rule once Beau started handing us things. I enjoy reading to our children and Chris and I like to create voices and alternate characters. We really are intentional about trying to bring stories to life.
5. Write your own adventures.
The only thing better than reading to your children is creating a story together that hasn’t already been written. Our children love to create stories with Chris and I. They like to shout out scenarios for us to include and Beau really enjoys turning the story around so that it favors the hero.
6. Get in on the action.
The next time you take your children to the park, don’t stand alongside the other parents. Access your inner child and play! You may look like a fool to others but to your children, you’ll be the coolest parent at the playground. Let’s face it the parents will only be looking at you that way because of their own guilt and the next time you go you may just see them hanging on the monkey bars.
7. Exercise.
Do you exercise? Spend some extra time incorporating exercises into your routine that your children can do with you. Try yoga! There are a lot of simple stretches that your children can do.
8. Let them choose.
While they are playing ask if you can join in. Follow their lead and let them control the game. Play with them but do not take over or try to force your ideas. Believe me, you will enjoy watching your child’s imagination at work.
9. Cook or bake something.
I mentioned earlier in the list that Arrow likes to help me cook. Beau likes to help out in the kitchen as well but he is more into those planned special treats. Arrow wants in on the everyday cooking. Beau’s eating habits changed right around the time he turned one. He stopped eating meat and so many other foods that I had been giving him. Talk about stressed!
One thing I immediately did was to include him on the choices I made while grocery shopping. His favorite section was the produce section because well, that was pretty much all he would eat. Anyway, when he sees something he wants to try I buy it. Then we go home turn on some music and prepare it together. Of course, there’s the kitchen dance party, noticing a trend here? What can I say we’re a family of music lovers and we love to dance and sing.
Lastly but most importantly…
10. Share your faith.
How can sharing your faith be considered bonding with your children? Well considering that God is love, your relationship, worship, and desire for God can prove to be contagious. It is so important for me that my children see me spending time in the word, worshipping, and living the life I study and sing about. Nothing makes my heart sing more than when my children come to me and ask me what I am reading or when I am singing and worshipping and I look to my left or right and see their eyes closed and tiny arms lifted toward heaven and they are completely focused in their worship.
We still sing together often just not at nap time because let’s be real naps have long since faded away in our household. Yet, every once in a while, while my husband and I are out in the living room watching our shows that we don’t want to watch while the children are awake, we will hear a faint cry “Mommy?” and I’ll answer “Yes?”, and one of them will say “I need you to sing me a lullaby. I cherish these moments because I know that they won’t last forever. I know that one day I’ll be singing to my grandchildren and my adult children won’t need me to hold them close and pour my heart out to the Lord with them in my arms. I also know that although they won’t need me to physically hold them and sing to them that they will remember these moments just as I remember my mother and grandmother cleaning, cooking, praying, and singing.
So don’t sweat it Mama’s you’ve got this and my guess is you are already making so many good memories and strengthening your bond daily.
